Today’s Hey Abby post is slightly different. No specific logistical question to answer or decor item to comment on. I wanted to talk about something else that seems especially relevant right now. When you’re engaged and in the thick of planning, you just want to shout from the roof about all.things.weddings! The beautiful silk ribbon you found, or the welcome cocktail you selected feel like the biggest victories of your week.
But what happens when there’s something bigger going on in your life? It might be things that are happening in the world in general, or in our political arena that you feel incredibly passionate about. Or it might be something much more personal, such as a family member struggling with illness, the death of someone close to you, or other loss.
It can be hard or feel not quite right to share the excitement about details of your day when things feel heavy around you. Your wax seal decision feels incredibly frivolous compared to the other things in your newsfeed. Or perhaps your heart is incredibly weighed down with confusions and sadness and you just don’t want to think about linen selections.
How do you move forward?
1) Balance your planning with other things that are important to you.
Engagement is a special and exciting time in your life and you should celebrate that to the best of your ability. However, being engaged should not overtake the other things in your life that are also important to you. Balance your planning with other activities, people, and things that you love or feel passionate about. Otherwise you risk becoming totally consumed with your own wedding day. You are still a daughter, sister, friend, citizen, volunteer, community leader, as well as a bride-to-be. Continue to put time and energy into those other things that are important to you and give them your sole focus during the time you’ve dedicated. (ie. don’t take calls from your DJ while you’re volunteering with your favorite charity,) Separating your time and mental headspace a will help you keep moving forward with your to-do list without losing touch with the rest of your life and yourself. Planning burn-out is real, and staying in touch with who you are as a person is the best way to ward it off.
2) Recognize when you need a break and take it.
If there is truly something happening in your life that needs your time and attention, adjust your planning accordingly. Perhaps your mom is going through cancer treatments, or you have an elderly family member that needs full time care. Schedule your planning in chunks, so you can take breaks during times your attention is needed elsewhere. Hire additional help to do the legwork. Full service planning can take the bulk of the legwork off your plate to free up your time and attention for only higher level decision making. In some cases, adjusting your wedding date may be needed. If you're considering this, first explore whether full service planning would be a better option for you. It may be an additional budget item, but could save you money in the long term if you’re facing lost deposits and penalty fees. Only you and your partner will know what type of break will be best for your life and situation
3) Make The Pretty Mean Something
Yes, ribbon color feels frivolous next to cancer, or death or deportation. But planning a celebration that tells your story, with details that have meaning to your life are the uplifting and heartwarming stories that people NEED to hear. Celebrations create memories and those good memories carry us through the more difficult times. So go ahead and SHARE those heartwarming details and put some goodness back into the world and your newsfeed!
Do you have a planning or etiquette questions you’d like to see answered here? Email me here: firstname.lastname@example.org